|Can we hit delete soon?
||[Jul. 2nd, 2009|07:44 pm]
Some days she did feel like she was moving on, days where the sun beat sharply down, making everything seem a little bit lighter. Her mood followed the weather, cloudy overcast days made her want to curl up in front of a fire with hot chocolate and whipped cream. They would never solve anything, but the world was always a better place, and it was comfort food.
As she moved on slowly, she tried to figure out what love was, wondering whether or not souls existed. The closest she had come to closure, was that when you fell in love with someone you gave them a piece of your soul. Sometimes you got just as big a piece back. Sometimes you didn't. Either way there was nothing you could do about it.
She had given him a piece of her soul, it had been a fair exchange back then. Something freely given cannot be taken back, it was a gift, one for him to keep. One he probably never realised he had received.
She wondered if, when people died their souls would be weighed, and those that were heavier than when they started would end up in hell whereas those that were lighter would end up in heaven. She wondered if people who were better at giving were closer to heaven, those who gave too much too freely could sometimes become a burden.
Maybe nothing happened after death, maybe all that this exercise would prove was that some people were simply better at giving and some were better at receiving.
She was good at giving, but sometimes made the mistake of believing she lost something every time she didn't receive something in return. Or maybe she didn't believe that, maybe that was just the way it felt, as the piece she thought had been a gift was wrenched out of her hands, all too suddenly.
If she could only let go, enjoy the ghost of the piece left behind, because there was always something left behind, she could move on, remember the good things and later forget the bad. Not now, not while it was early days.
[Hmm, not sure I like it, it's too personal, can't get the distance I'm looking for which is deeply frustrating!]